Requiem

“If man were immortal he could be perfectly sure of seeing the day when everything in which he had trusted should betray his trust, and, in short, of coming eventually to hopeless misery.  He would break down, at last, as every good fortune, as every dynasty, as every civilization does.  In place of this we have death.”
~Charles Sanders Peirce

I can vividly remember sitting at the conference room table, on my lunch break, beginning the journal that would eventually serve as my plot book for Fable. About a month later, towards Halloween, I sat down with my laptop and without any thought to when I would finish it or if it would be published or even if anyone other than myself would ever read it, I began to write. I’d realized, through the most sundry conversation in the world, that I had to either step out in faith that I had talent enough to do what my heart wanted, or give up and walk away. No more talking about being a writer, no more saying that one day I’ll get around to it. That was 3 1/2 years ago. On March 30, 2010 I was offered a publishing contract on Fable, which will tentatively launch sometime in November/December of this year.

And just as I embarked on a journey then, walking blindly into unknown territory, I am doing so again as I go through the process of negotiating the contract and beginning a relationship with Rhemalda Publishing. It is the death of one part of my life and the birth of another. And even now, before having stepped farther than two feet down this path, I can assure you that it has brought irrevocable change to who I am as an author.

I once had fears that I would never be able to finish Fable; not that I wasn’t motivated but fears that I was unable (in more romantic moments I would have said unworthy). But, the words never stopped coming and within 12 months I’d finished all three books in the first trilogy. And even though there may have been a point in my writing life where I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be too thrilled about a contract to care about anything else, I still fear being unable. I’ve grown considerably as an author since I wrote or even revised book one, and of course there will be an editor going through the manuscript and hopefully fixing my adverb abuse (wasn’t aware that I had this problem until recently). All that aside, there is this little part of me that feels like I’m standing on the edge of this huge precipice staring into utter nothingness and everything in me wants to cling to the cliff and not leap off. But, I will leap. I owe the book that much.

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6 responses

  1. It most definitely is the hardest and Ernie, you said something on your Hero’s Guild page that rang true, concerning the want to get your latest work published first, because you were less emotionally invested in it (and it needs less polishing). That’s precisely how I felt, yet…for whatever reason, I couldn’t convince my soul to give a damn about what my head was saying—It wanted Fable published first, period! Now that there is a contract on it though, I worry about all of the little things (and the big things of course but sometimes a paper cut seems to hurt worse than breaking a bone). I think I’ll feel better once I start working with my assigned editor, once we discuss my concerns. That’s what editors are for. Good news for her is that she’s about to have a very, very, very grateful author on her hands.

    Ien and Nixie, thank you! As always, I appreciate your support!

  2. Today, at that same conference room table, I signed the book contract and used the first card from the stationary set I bought over two years ago to write a ‘thank you’ to Rhemalda. The special thing about the stationary is that it was ordered with my pen name, J.S. Chancellor, printed on it.

  3. Yes, the first steps down the new road you’ve struggled so long to reach and now you face a new journey that ends, well, who knows where.

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