Just Wait and See…

Guardians of Legend: Son of Ereubus

“A vow is a purely religious act which cannot be taken in a fit of passion. It can be taken only with a mind purified and composed and with God as witness.”
~Mohandas Gandhi

The picture you see, is what Oliver Wetter (Fantasio Fine Arts) calls ‘work in progress’ and what I see as no less than the exact rendering of my first, and greatest, love. (update 4/30: this has now been replaced with the final wallpaper)

I opened an email from him earlier, in which he asked for my final ‘okay’ before beginning work on the details. And here I sit several hours later, still staring at it like a teenage girl in love. And this might seem like the tritest blog post in the world, but give me a moment here: This is what being an author is all about.

This is the face I’ve seen in my dreams for nearly 14 years. This is the face that I saw when I wrote chapter one, while using a piano bench as a desk, my freshman year in High School. This is the face that was behind every rejection letter, every critique, with me every single night I went to sleep feeling, with no scant portion of conviction, that I would never be published. And here he is, in the flesh, every emotion captured perfectly; his sorrow evident in the lines of his eyes; his passion and conviction present in the set of his jaw; his power apparent in the strength of his stance and intensity of his gaze.

This face…this image that never left me…is why I persisted when it all seemed like a dead-end dream, when my hopes felt like nothing more than just that. When the whole world told me that it wasn’t and would never be…I saw Garren in my heart and said, “But it is…just wait and see.”

A time will come in every writer’s life, where a vow must be made. This is no small thing. This is something that should be done in the quiet of your heart, below your pride and selfishness and the rough edges of your human nature. Beyond the acknowledgment of your identity as an author, past the raw and war worn edges of adolescence, this vow is not to yourself, or the public at large, but to that which you create. Consider it, if you will, a true and holy marriage between your soul and its intended place in this world. If this is the path that is meant for you, nothing else will do. Nothing.  And just like in marriage, you have to rest all of your hopes on it with only the purest faith, or you will fail it. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. Through writer’s blocks and rejections. In anonymity and infamy. There are no promises. There are no assurances. No one will give you a reliable ‘guide’ on how to succeed at this, because the relationship between you and your craft is as unique as that of two lovers.

My good friend Ien said it best, “A novel ought to be written with all the incipient madness, the inchoate passion of a love letter riddled with rash, extravagant promises, blushing with hyperbole, rough in its intimacies and raw to the point of tenderness.”

To see a lover for the first time, face to face, whom you’ve known only through the painfully distant affection of love letters for well over half of your life, is beyond words. To introduce that lover to everyone who told you, all those years, that you would never meet (or worse, that they didn’t exist) is perhaps beyond expression.

10 responses

  1. J.S.~ I’m all but in tears… (I’m not sure if it’s the disgustingly early hour in which I was ripped from my bed by a giggling gaggle of girls-or if it’s the fact that you make great points about the writer’s soul in here which I can only hope to one day share with you.) Finally seeing the out come of something you’ve been working on for so long, finally knowing that you did it, that which so many have told you over and over that you can’t do…. It’s a wonderously beautiful thing. Congrats to you J.S. It won’t be exactly the same for me, as I’m hoping to have my own art on the cover of my book… but I already know, that when the day comes and I’m that close, when the day comes and I’m actually holding my 300+ page book, as I’m formatting and worrying over glossary and double checking the chapter titles with a binocular (completely unnecessary perhaps-but one must be thorough with their dreams-expecially if they’ve taken as long for them to come to fruit as mine have :/) I’ll ball like a baby. I’ll not stop smiling for weeks (perhaps longer) it’s great to see the fruits of your dreams coming to life. I can still remember my excitement when I finally fleshed out my MC’s Damion and Volencia. The first time they finally looked like I imagined them in my mind, and that in it’s was exciting… so I know somewhat what it feels like. Yet not completely, not yet… but with inspirations like you out there, will one day. Thank you J.S. for sharing your journey with us. And hey, it’s absolutely beautiful! You have every right to be staring at it like a love struck teen.

  2. That is amazing! Congratulations. So just to clarify…you’re totally in love with that guy, right?

    In all seriousness, what an inspiration!! I’m so jealous/envious/impressed.

    And he’s hotter than Edward. Had to be said. 😉

  3. I am so excited for you! It’s going to be a great cover with a great-looking hero 🙂 Ien is quite right, too.

    I am in agreement with you about the vow. Every writer must take it and make good of it. I think of the times I’ve failed and still press on. Still keep going. That is what it’s all about–pressing on when things are tough, rough, and ready to eat you for the sake of the creation you love.

    Thanks 🙂

  4. Bravo cousin and well done! Being only 26 myself, I can’t say I’ve toiled for over a decade in searching for my career calling. I am however, grinding through school, meeting daunting deadlines, and seem to live out of my car as I drag from job, to job, to job (yes, I do have three). So, I would just like to say that’s it’s extremely uplifting and encouraging seeing someone show determination in the face of adversity!!!

  5. Well said J. S.; no truer words can be said of the dream and the realization, of characterization, of love for what we do. Congratulation! I think it is time for us receive your imagination in our hearts. After all, it’s been, what, 14 years of waiting, and your family, friends, and fans are hungry for your offering. Your book cover looks great.

  6. I’m trying to imagine the strangeness of seeing your character through someone else’s eyes. I’m also thinking that having your book accepted is like having the doctor finally confirm officially that you’re pregnant. Then, getting that first drawing from the cover artist must be like getting the ultrasound picture. What will it be like when you finally hold out your hands and someone places your first child in them and says, “It’s a Book!”

  7. Once upon a time, there was a child brought into this world when odds were against the birth at all. But my sister who longed for a child was given the gift of a beautiful little girl…her only child. That little girl had an Aunt who did not get to enjoy or develop as close a relationship as wished but who was still very much in love with little Breanne…and who introduced her to the thrilling world of She-Ra the Princess of Power which drew her further into the fantasy world she loved to create for herself on a daily basis….and that Aunt Sharon is so very proud of her love of literature and her determination and drive in following her dreams. I shared my SIMPLE poetry with you long ago and even then you seemed to appreciate the written word and a person’s wish of putting to pen their innermost feelings however simple OR intricate they may be and the desire to share them with others. I’m so very proud of you honey…and I wish for you a life of fulfilling your dreams because there are so many who for some reason have not been able to. I’m looking forward to reading the Trilogy as I will forever be engrossed with Lord of the Rings. Love you Baby Girl!

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